How to keep your patience with your children

We often refer to patience as something that we can lose – as in “you are really causing me to lose my patience.” But how would it sound if you were to say “you are really causing me to lose my love for you?” If love is patient, then “losing” patience can be equated to losing love. Said this way the idea of losing patience is not a pretty one.

Have you ever said something like this to your kids? “Sorry I was upset. You know that I love you, but I am just so frustrated right now!”

The words, “I love you,” are buried in the middle of this defense of angry behavior. They may well be familiar words. But the problem with familiar words is that they often lose their impact and may become background noise to your children. More is needed than just words. Real, tangible actions must accompany the words of love. Let’s look at patience.

I Corinthians 13 says that love is patient.  A working definition of patience is living in the expectation of God’s care. Patience and frustration are polar opposites. If love is patient, then frustration is not an expression of love.

Both toddlers and teenagers are equally adept at calling for patience to be deployed. Patience is not just a mindset, but a particular action that God commands us to take.  Biblical patience is not a natural thing. Biblical patience is the fruit of the Spirit. It cannot be modeled by sitting on a rocker on the front porch. It is modeled by a deep abiding trust that God will care for me as I seek to be a faithful parent. It is modeled by compassion replacing exasperation as you live with your children. It is modeled by patiently enduring in love the struggles your children have, just as your heavenly father is patient with you.

Let patience replace anger and frustration in your parenting. Patience means that you can trust God and use pleasant words that promote instruction. Patience means that you can take the time necessary to really listen to your children. Patience will build a relationship, not tear it down.

Loving your children is shown by patience. Any specific situation we face in raising our children can be challenging and overwhelming. To be patient is to believe that God will care for you and your child. You can believe that God has wisdom in his word that will exactly fit the situation you are facing. You can offer patient love instead of frustration. You can trust God as you cry out to him for help. You can be different. You can, through the power of the Holy Spirit, be patient!

Do you need help raising your teen in this social media world? Get your tickets for Kirk Cameron’s new movie, CONNECT, in theaters two nights only. 

This post originally appeared on Shepherd Press and was republished with permission. 


Jay Younts is the author of Everyday Talk, Everyday Talk About Sex & Marriage, and he is the Shepherd Press blogger. He is a ruling elder at Redeemer Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He and his late wife Ruth have five adult children.


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